WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
