Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
