You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
My hand turned me down
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
then he tried to convert me to islam
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
You can't just leave with hair like that
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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