Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
