Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
