So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
