the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
