the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
