Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
