just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
