All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
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