I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Randomize
