you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
