she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
