I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Randomize
