I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
