I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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