dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
