Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
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