Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
