go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
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