Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
How does it feel to date your dad?
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
