around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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