I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
