rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
