one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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