I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
