it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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