these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
