KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
