do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize
