it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
