If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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