smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
