i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
