ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize
