I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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