I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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