The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Congratulations! We have a period
Randomize
