I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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