Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Randomize
