You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Randomize
