I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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