I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
