You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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