I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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