oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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