mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Randomize
