My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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