i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
