Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
