sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Randomize
