i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
