She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
