You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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