How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
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