woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
